Dear Edward,
I'm not sure if you know this or not but M. broke up with me. I thought you should know if you didn't already find out.
I need him back so bad, Edward. I'm trying not to talk to him so much, I don't want to be a pest about everything. I just feel like he made a mistake though. Whether he actually made a mistake or not, he's not himself right now. Do you think his mom got to him (she never liked me). What has he told you about it?
--Out of my Mind
Dear OOMM,
yes, i heard and i've been thinking about you since. i'm really sorry to hear that and i don't know what comfort i can provide, but want you to know if you need something, please ask.
Nobody "got" to anyone, OOMM; M. made his own decision and he's responsible for it. Your job right now is to focus on yourself. I know that seems impossibly difficult right now, but you need to concentrate on taking care of yourself: eating right, trying to sleep, getting your work done as best you can. Also, this is a time to lean on your friends; as you would for them, they'll leap to support you.
having someone you love break up with you is one of the hardest things in life; you won't feel much worse than this, ever. but you're going to have to be resilient. right now, there's not much you can do to get him back but there's plenty that you can do to drive him away.
with love,
Edward
(a couple days later)
dear edward,
i'm doing a lot better than i was. for the first 3 days i wasn't eating or sleeping, and i couldn't keep my mind on anything but M.. we had a soccer game the day after he broke up with me and i was yelled at by the ref multiple times, he told me to "calm down" because i was being "too aggressive", haha. ive realized recently that i have amazing friends who can do just as much, if not more, to keep me happy. before the breakup i was completely unaware of how many of my friends are truly there for me. i would say right now my friendships with people are at their peak. i've also made a lot more friends.
thank you, OOMM
Dear OOMM,
i'm so glad. the ancient greeks described being in love as being possessed, literally, so i can totally imagine you in that soccer game, running around like a madwoman :) and when these things happen, you can do all sorts of self-destructive things, like sleep with the wrong person, binge drink, etc. so i'm glad you're avoiding that. and when you're down, you discover the deep resevoirs of support from friends that you never would have without the breakup. you've been "held", as the quakers say. good stuff.
with love,
Edward
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Closing speech from Edward: Six Important Messages
I want to start by reading a story that was in the news last month.
“On May 15, New Zealand climber Mark Inglis became the first double amputee to reach the summit of the world's highest mountain, Mount Everest. But praise for his achievement cooled after revelations that on his ascent, Inglis and his team passed a dying climber and left him to die alone. They came across stricken British climber David Sharp 300 metres from the summit. Mr Sharp had been on his way down the mountain alone when he ran out of oxygen. Inglis' team gave Mr Sharp oxygen and radioed his position to base camp, but then pushed on for the peak. In his defence, Mr Inglis says as many as 40 other climbers passed Mr Sharp, and that his team - the first - was the only to stop and help.
Mr Sharp later died. His body remains on the mountain.”
Since then, a passionate debate has ensued about the ethics of the Everest ascent. Many climbers defended themselves. One climber wrote on a website: "Stop making judgments about events in an environment in which you have no experience. Everyone heading to Everest is aware of the risks, and yes, many should not attempt this feat. Those that head up the mountain are responsible for their decision to climb." Ingles himself that his conscience was clean and he could sleep soundly at night because he knew that there was nothing he could do to save the dying Sharp.
Needless to say, this story relates to so many of the themes that we have studied this year. No doubt, I’m sure some Essential Questions come to mind when hearing this story, like what are our responsibilities to others? and who do we care for? I’m not sure how those climbers feel about their decision to bypass David Sharp both on the way up and on the way down, but to me, that decision is that height of narcissism, the inability to care about anyone aside from oneself. Expedition companies charge up to $65,000 for the three weeks it takes to escort climbers to Everest and for many, that sort of time and expense means keeping ones eye on the prize. If each individual climber that saw David Sharp on the mountain stopped and held his/her own private meeting for worship, would he/she have chosen to continue walking? What would you have done? Another Everest story made the news only this week. American team abandoned their three-week quest just a few hundred meters from the top to aid and ultimately rescue Australian climber Lincoln Hall, who had been left behind to die by his own team.
In your life, you’ll be constantly faced with choices, big and small. Who we are is defined is by the choices we make. To say it another way, we are, more so than the color of our skin, more so than the nation we live in, the sum total of our choices. I believe that years from now those climbers who stopped for Lincoln Hall will be proud to tell their children of their decision to stop to save someone’s life instead of reaching the summit. Will those who passed David Sharp say the same? Will you be proud to tell your children of the choices you made? The question I leave you with from Nancy Starmer’s speech in assembly: What type of person do you want to be? Did you make time to listen into the Silence, deep within your heart and let it compel you to truth and love?
According to Quaker writer John Calvi, there are only six important messages a person can give to someone else. They are:
1. I love you.
2. Thank you.
3. I’m sorry.
4. I need help.
5. That’s not good enough.
6. No.
Thinking over the course of this year, I realize that I have often said the last two, that’s not good enough and no. I want to end the year by saying the first two, I love you and thank you.
“On May 15, New Zealand climber Mark Inglis became the first double amputee to reach the summit of the world's highest mountain, Mount Everest. But praise for his achievement cooled after revelations that on his ascent, Inglis and his team passed a dying climber and left him to die alone. They came across stricken British climber David Sharp 300 metres from the summit. Mr Sharp had been on his way down the mountain alone when he ran out of oxygen. Inglis' team gave Mr Sharp oxygen and radioed his position to base camp, but then pushed on for the peak. In his defence, Mr Inglis says as many as 40 other climbers passed Mr Sharp, and that his team - the first - was the only to stop and help.
Mr Sharp later died. His body remains on the mountain.”
Since then, a passionate debate has ensued about the ethics of the Everest ascent. Many climbers defended themselves. One climber wrote on a website: "Stop making judgments about events in an environment in which you have no experience. Everyone heading to Everest is aware of the risks, and yes, many should not attempt this feat. Those that head up the mountain are responsible for their decision to climb." Ingles himself that his conscience was clean and he could sleep soundly at night because he knew that there was nothing he could do to save the dying Sharp.
Needless to say, this story relates to so many of the themes that we have studied this year. No doubt, I’m sure some Essential Questions come to mind when hearing this story, like what are our responsibilities to others? and who do we care for? I’m not sure how those climbers feel about their decision to bypass David Sharp both on the way up and on the way down, but to me, that decision is that height of narcissism, the inability to care about anyone aside from oneself. Expedition companies charge up to $65,000 for the three weeks it takes to escort climbers to Everest and for many, that sort of time and expense means keeping ones eye on the prize. If each individual climber that saw David Sharp on the mountain stopped and held his/her own private meeting for worship, would he/she have chosen to continue walking? What would you have done? Another Everest story made the news only this week. American team abandoned their three-week quest just a few hundred meters from the top to aid and ultimately rescue Australian climber Lincoln Hall, who had been left behind to die by his own team.
In your life, you’ll be constantly faced with choices, big and small. Who we are is defined is by the choices we make. To say it another way, we are, more so than the color of our skin, more so than the nation we live in, the sum total of our choices. I believe that years from now those climbers who stopped for Lincoln Hall will be proud to tell their children of their decision to stop to save someone’s life instead of reaching the summit. Will those who passed David Sharp say the same? Will you be proud to tell your children of the choices you made? The question I leave you with from Nancy Starmer’s speech in assembly: What type of person do you want to be? Did you make time to listen into the Silence, deep within your heart and let it compel you to truth and love?
According to Quaker writer John Calvi, there are only six important messages a person can give to someone else. They are:
1. I love you.
2. Thank you.
3. I’m sorry.
4. I need help.
5. That’s not good enough.
6. No.
Thinking over the course of this year, I realize that I have often said the last two, that’s not good enough and no. I want to end the year by saying the first two, I love you and thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
