Advice from Edward: Change and College Pressure

Dear Edward,

A while ago I was thinking about change, though, and how everything is constantly changing and I know that we have to adapt to it, but I'm just afraid that I'll change into somebody that I don't want to be.

Also, I have been forced to think about the future a lot and college and everything, and school is becoming different because now more and more people around me seem to be thinking about college, and it's just a little scary. Especially since there is still a lot of time before we even begin the college guidance process.

-A Pensive Sophomore

Dear PS,

The most famous quote about change is from the Greek philosopher Heraclitus, who said, “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.” There’s no stopping the passage of time and we constantly change. I was a different teacher with you than I was with the students I had before you. Of course, I’m a different now, having moved away from George School, than I was last year. Yet somehow I’m still the same person, much like the river is somehow still the same river, even if different water is constantly flowing in.

How can you be sure you change into someone you’re happy with? It may sound simple, but do what you think is right, always. I think you have an internal sense of what is right and wrong and what type of person you want to be. Follow that. If it helps, write it down. Recently, I sat down and articulated my long-range professional, educational, interpersonal, physical, and spiritual goals and then determined what short term things I would do to work towards them. When I felt lost, I can refer to it and find my bearings again. But again, the main point is: do what you think is right, always.

Yes, I think the generalized anxiety about college is one of the worst aspects of a, ahem, college prep school. I think worries about grades and SAT scores destroy the joy of learning and unfortunately, its seeping down from senior year to junior year and now to sophomore year. That sucks. That’s what I liked about teaching freshmen: the learning was still (mostly) about learning. Psychologists describe it as task-orientation, as opposed to goal-orientation. They found that people enjoy themselves much more if they absorb themselves in the process of doing something as opposed to thinking about what they’ll get out of it. In short, fun is the “doing” of something, not what you get out of it (the tired cliché is that it’s the journey, not the destination). I mean, if going to high school is all about getting to college, what’s college all about? Getting a good job or getting into grad school? And then what’s that about? Being “successful in life”? “Life” is the present, not the future. Why not just enjoy high school, in and of itself? Of course, that’s easy to say and at an elite private school harder to do. The achievement-centered future orientation is always around you. All you can do is be conscious of the external pressures of that environment and try to find friends, mentors and internal places that help you stay interested in learning and in life, as you’re currently experiencing it.

With love,
Edward