Advice from Edward: A Good Man is Hard to Find

"Dear Edward,
How do I find a guy that's good to me, but not so good that it's annoying, and good enough that he's not just a friend. Is there even such a man out there?
Signed,
Lost and Distraught Heart"


I’m sorry that you’re feeling lonely, LDH. You’ve asked a question that people have been asking for hundreds of years and what a lot of great literature is based on. Find Jane Austen in the library and see what I mean.

Finding someone good for you and somehow contriving to stay with him isn’t easy. But nothing in life matches the moment you're told from someone you love that he loves you. The pursuit of it will likely absorb your time and attention for many years to come. Here are a few guidelines:

First, shape people’s behavior towards you. In life, we teach people how to treat us. Think about this way, adults give the most responsibility to those students who act most responsibly. They pick juniors who already act like leaders to be senior leaders. If you look at it in reverse, students have shaped adults’ behavior to them by acting the way they want to be treated. The same works with relationships. If you behave like a fun and caring, passionate and clever girl, boys who are attracted to that will want to be with you. My observation is you do a good job of that already.

Second, stay optimistic. Dating can be hard and often it’s no fun when someone you want doesn’t want you or when you can’t find anyone to want. Even when all evidence points to the contrary or when you don't feel like it, stay optimistic. You are far more likely to find someone great that way. Boys can smell desperation from a mile away and will either run away from or take advantage of it.

Beyond that, you can’t “find” anyone. That’s the magic of romance, you can do all you can to be attractive, but it still takes another heart out there willing to take you in. That lack of control over such an important part of our lives is what makes dating so hard at times and what makes finding someone special so special. When you find him, I’ll be so very happy for you.

And you’re right: boys that are too good are annoying. They’re a little boring and it all seems so … inauthentic. So look for boys that are good but have a little mischievous streak in them. Flirt a little and have fun. But remember you learned in Health!

With love,
Edward